Canada Day

Today is Canada Day. The 147th birthday of my country. What a lovely day it is! Well, except the weather is awful today but that's neither here nor there. So, a short little article today. It's simple, really. An alchemy that anyone can do. We take the pure essence of the dread beast NOSTALGIA, mix it with my own personal memories, add in a dash of creativity and a dollop of maple syrup... and FOOM. The red and white potion bubbles within our cauldron, an inviting fog wafting from it as we pour it into the flask. Drink with me, why don't you? Drink, and share in the memories of a Canadian madman. Red and white may be the colors of my flag, but they are also the colors of the Famicom. There are connections, of course. Let me take you there.

-We have to start with YTV. A television network that aired everything under the sun for the youth of the late 80's and early 90's... and today as well, but we're all old farts here so let's focus on the old. In its infancy, the network showed McCoy-era Doctor Who! My god, how about that? Or we could talk about Video And Arcade Top 10, the show where children played Nintendo games semi-competitively and the theme music sounded eerily similar to Crash Man! Or... for god's sakes, we even had a TV series based on Maniac Mansion. I swear to God this was a thing. We could go further, splintering ourselves into infinite nostalgia memories. Goosebumps and Earthworm Jim and Sailor Moon, watched at my great-grandmother's in 1995... literally across the street from where I rented Nintendo games. Much later, at the turn of the century, watching dubbed anime on the thing as I became a software pirate scouring the high seas for NES ROMs. That was the last gasp of me and this television network. I'm out of its target audience now, but I never forget it.

-Now the food. Canadian food is wondrous. Especially poutine. Poutine is a guilty pleasure that is in no way good for you, but it tastes wondrous. It is, quite simply... french fries topped with cheese curds and gravy. It creates a salty, rich, slightly gooey and cheesy taste that cannot be replicated. It comes from French Canada, even, and is a marvel from that sect. Vive la poutine. Being from Eastern Canada, I also know of another interesting food; the donair. Some sort of co-opted Greek dish variant. Spiced meat tossed into a pita with tomato, onion, and a very sweet garlic-tasting sauce. I love the damn things. Special mention to shawarma. I've never had it, but I know at least two people who swear by it. Fellow Canadians and good friends. This space is for the two of you.

-Finally... specific Newfoundland memories. Because why not. There will be a bunch of links and stuff because we live in a strange place. A pretty place, as you've seen... but a strange one. The way we talk may puzzle some, but I've grown used to it. I have been known to lapse into it during casual conversation. Our traditions are ancient and quizzical things. Our music, a mad medly with accordions and acoustic guitars. Maybe fiddles. Who don't love fiddles? Our ritualistic induction ceremony for those of us not born on this island. Here is famed talk show host Conan O'Brien becoming One Of Us. All of this is real. Most importantly, our time zone. We are, in our own way, a Time That Never Was. Our time zone is GMT -3:30. Skewed half an hour from the rest of the world, a Negative Zone where the Unnouns of the universe can thrive and survive in coastal bliss. Many find this insane and strange. I find it comforting. EST is a strange and terrifying beast. I've been in normal time. I've stayed here 12 years since.

So that's Canada for you. Just a snippet, just a taste. It's a mighty fine country and I live on a mighty fine island. Now... what else of the red and white can I salute? Hmm.