A Psychochronography In Red, White, And Blue (Mario Bros., Mario Is Missing, Mario's Time Machine)

It's July 4th, 2014. Iggy Azalea is at #1 with "Fancy". In news that does not sing, it is Independence Day in the United States of America. Millions will celebrate by blowing a small part of the country up, eating hot dogs, drinking beer, and generally celebrating a country they quite love. As I am Canadian and it is raining, I am instead talking about something else clad in red and blues: Mario. Here he is. The Alpha and the Omega. The beginning of the breath of Valya, and the last man standing as Peko The Destructor cleaves this great grey box in two with her blade. Mario encompasses the start of this song, both in Japan and in America. Let us look, then, at a cute arcade conversion called Mario Brothers. Or Mario Bros. Whatever you prefer, broski. What stands out with Mario Bros is just how much the dread beast GREED was kept at bay here. Here's some personal experience for you, relating to my evening. I spent part of it playing the arcade version of Bionic Commando. That's a series I love to death, and please do read Mr. Sandifer's musings about it and the secret history. Bionic Commando arcade was a suffering, a taxation that I pumped many a virtual quarter into. We've gone over this. The beast demanded more of my soul to continue the journey. Mario Bros on NES doesn't have that. I lasted 10 "phases" and had an absolute blast. Was it like this in the arcade? I actually have a vague memory of one of these arcade machines, in my sister's residence house while she attended college. Squires House, it was called. The year was 1992. 11 years later I became a college student. I visited Squires House. There were no arcade machines. There were, however, many cool girls there. I like that. I like Mario Bros. This is why Nintendo stayed around.

We jump ahead now, to the end times. 1993. Mario has... done something. To look to his timeline between 1985 and now is to risk fragmentation. His is an open wound in time from pure transcendence, the very heart of alchemy itself. One day we will brave that storm. Today is not that day, for Mario is missing. It's up to Luigi to find him, and that entails... education. Land in New York City, the apple that's bigger on the inside. This is not the land of dreams I've been imagining for the past six months. The Proposal Peridot never had glimmers of Koopa Troopas and King Kong. Still, we travel on and eventually learn the trick to things. We must discern where we are, and then call... Yoshi. Christ almighty, what are we summoning here? This is the steed that ferried MODE SEVEN into our universe, its dark scaling powers far advanced beyond any alchemy our grey box can muster... and we've just brought it into this world. It is a sign of the End Of All Things. Reality has grown thin. King Kong can be returned to a museum. So can Liberty's Torch, but for god's sakes don't blink. Learn about Rockefeller and its skating rink. We are paid very well for this, Lady Capitalism having become the regent monarch long ago. Now we move on, because if the walls of reality are bleeding thin and allowing monstrosities like this green MODE SEVEN horse... what about time?

Mario is no longer missing, and he has returned to a parody of his roots. This is no arcade conversion. This is a slippery homage without a soul. The soul died long ago, I fear. 1993/1994 is not 1983, no matter how much you long for it. Still, this is some form of alchemic ritual. We must invoke the past to fuel the means to travel back into it. Destroy the koopas and hop on in. Curiosity made me pick 1989, and we warped there. Mario found himself near... the Berlin Wall. I'm not even making that up. I swear to God, we travelled back to the Wall. Lady Capitalism's acolyte actor demands that the Wall must fall. All things must tumble down, and the Cold War must end. End it shall. We know this. Even in 1993, we knew this. We grew up in a world where roses sing and Communism does not want us dead. Lady Capitalism reigns supreme, her black wings fluttering as she flies overhead. A dark feather lands near us, and we know. One day we will return to the rip in space and time... but for now, we must escape. Mario's time travel has set things off. This is the catalyst for the death of the NES. All things are folding into themselves, as they do when Mario is involved. Let us make our escape, lest we find ourselves at the end of the Ultimate Swordswoman. Happy 4th, my dears! Feel free to stay and watch as the crumbling wall signals the beginning of the end for the USSR! We ain't sticking around.

I've got tabletop gaming to play.