What Is It Good For? (L'Empereur, Lethal Weapon, Life Force)

It's 1796 A.D. and we are in France. Goodness, I think that we've travelled a little too far back this time. What the hell is this? Am I some pawn in a wizard's game? 1796 is much too early for Nintendo. It's much too early for anything. All that exists here is war. Austria wants us dead. England is confident that it can destroy us. Mother Russia, 200 years before they would start the Dance Apocalyptic with the USA, is challenging us. We are Napoleon Bonaparte, L'Empereur, and this is a land of pure war. I somehow get the feeling that we'll eventually go further back in time and experience the tactical power of pure war. I have a problem with that; I am not a tactician. The problem of realism has faced us again; put me in charge of an army and I will get that army killed. Witness the fate of Napoleon, who immediately charged into battle against a neighboring country. Oh, it was a battle, to be sure! Cannons firing wildly into the air! Soldiers meeting on the fields and clashing blades, firing muskets, whatever the hell else people did to end human lives in 1796. The commanding army had 200 men. Way more than Napoleon. His forces whittled them down, but in the end they had to retreat. What a disgrace. If one were more tactically inclined, they might enjoy this experience. Certainly, I must confess to some joy as I moved my forces like chess pieces. There's something morbid about commanding electronic equivalents of real human beings into battle. Real human beings who fought in wars, who took lives, who became conquerors of the real space and not just video game space. This unsettles me. Take me back, spirit.

Oh god. Lethal Weapon? An NES game from Ocean? Eurocom Software? 1992? This is not an alchemic formula I like. These films involved war... in a sense. A war against Vietnam veteran heroin cartels. Against corrupt South African diplomats. Against corrupt ex-cops with a stockpile of confiscated police weapons. None of that is here. You just... walk forward and shoot men. It's war, alright. Shoot or be shot. Violence in video games is a hell of a thing. I mean, the third movie had Danny Glover get torn up over shooting a teen... and now you're shooting people without question. Men in purple, men in green, black guys, white guys, Asian guys... all mowed down. To its credit, the game is competent... but it makes you wonder. Why? The game didn't even need to explicitly call me out on being a bad person, but what is the reason for this rampage? Are these criminals? Would they shoot you first? Fair argument, but why not just shoot them in the kneecaps? Be a John Reese instead of a Captain Walker. I am aware that I am thinking too far into this... but the war of 1796 is fresh on my mind. I'm too old for this shit. Take me to the future.

Ah, a college course in the summer! Applied Biology And Economics 2500. The syllabus states that we can expect similarities to the professor's other course, History Of The Bacterion Empire 3000. There aren't as many students this time around, so the course is much easier. Failure does not set you back farther this time. You remain where you are, though still in a tight spot... but that's the nature of a college course, isn't it? We are studying the inner workings of the dread beast GREED. We learn about trickle down and the 1%. We learn, of course, that speeding up and firing missiles at the capitalist ships heading your way is best. As is a laser. Or an option. There does exist a way to get extra chances at the test, and one will need them. This is a war of knowledge. A war of learning. A war of piloting a ship. This war is not one I am used to, but what we have here is classic. Over time, we get to advance further. We learn of the Japanese dual-scrolling theory. Learn more about the ancient Egyptians and how their beliefs line up with the themes presented in the course we must survive. Reincarnation, always ever-present. Gradually we learn of the true amebous heart of the dread beast GREED, called Zelos... and its Ouroboros defense system. This course is a hot mess of interplanetary war, but it can be won. The final exam is a tricky one, though. One wrong move will set your grades back. Too many wrong moves and you're out... but of course we can pass. You can take the course again if you like. I pass. I've learned enough. War is hell. GREED is bad. The disgusting nature of its body is beyond comprehension.

Now what?