Another Sixteen Screams For Halloween: Day 16 (Halloween 5: The Revenge Of Michael Myers)

Boo.

Well, here we are at last. It's Halloween, and we have once again come back to that powerful series which usually ends these. The double whammy of circumstances over what to cover, as well as just plain having done most of this series already, has led us to this thing. I covered the film this is a sequel to, Halloween 4, a good five years ago. I did not particularly like or dislike it, as I recall, but the words are back there in the archive. It is a film I let pass into hazy memory. This, on the other hand? I don't despise it, but I don't like it either. Halloween 5 is not a very good film, and let's talk about why to close things out.

This is a film with an identity crisis, at the worst possible time to have one. 1989 was not a good year for iconic 80's slashers. Freddy and Jason both put out pretty mid entries that year, and the whole thing was looking a bit old hat. What little good grace Halloween 4 had by attempting to go back to first principles is now spent, so what is Halloween? According to this thing, it's mostly bog-standard slasher time with a dude in a white Shatner mask. There's none of the totemic power of the first film, or the escalation of the second, or even the back to basics of the fourth. It's completely generic slasher malarkey. You could replace Michael with Jason and you'd get the same effect. Teens having sex who then get killed. People investigating a spooky noise who then get killed. There's no magic here, no passion. It's dull as dishwater, by the numbers, rent it for a sleepover and then forget all about it on Sunday morning detritus.

That is not to say that the movie is completely dedicated to not trying. Donald Pleasance is back, but he's fully reverted into a raving madman about that damn Michael Myers, yelling at a traumatized mute little girl to TELL ME WHERE MICHAEL IS, TELL ME with all the crazed mania old Donald Pleasance can ham up. The big thing that I should talk about, then, is the strange man in black. Look, I know the silliness they try to pull in Halloween 6. All this shit about ancient Celtic curses being the reason Michael Myers kills sexhavers, or something. Do I think it's ridiculous to take a domestic slasher like Michael Myers and retroactively infuse him with supernatural slasher properties? It is. I'm not that worked up about it, though, because I know it only lasts for one movie more and then this branch of continuity runs out. At the very least it's an attempt to do something new rather than pitchforking a dude mid-coitus, totally copying Jason but not even attempting to make it half as visceral as Savini effects work.

No, the problem with the Thorn cult bullshit in this movie is it's all nebulous setup. You see a tattoo on Michael at the beginning, you see the same tattoo on the mysterious man in black who stalks about the movie, he breaks Michael out of jail for our downer sequel hook ending... and thats's it. This movie thinks it's setting up a cinematic universe or something. That its brief teases will entice the imagination and get butts in seats for the next film. I am afraid I have some bad news for you about the reception of that movie. That's in the future for me, so all we're left with are these ambiguous nothing teases. Maybe it worked in 1989 when people didn't know it was a Celtic cult that gets retconned into the void after one bomb sequel. All I know now is that it doesn't work here. There are glimmers of entertainment and interesting cinematography in some of the chase scenes. This is not the worst movie I've ever seen. But for Halloween? What a goddamn letdown. Still, we started this marathon with a letdown, so there's something for mirroring.

I'd like to thank you all for coming along on another spooky media journey with me this year. I hope you enjoyed the eclectic mix of things I got to discuss. For now, barring the Criterion Challenge, the blog will be going silent for a bit as I deal with NaNoWriMo. The real terror, and scarier than anything Michael Myers does in this movie. Have a happy Halloween, stay safe, and don't eat too much of that candy, you hear?