Well then. What in the hell is this? That's not just a question you may be asking yourself right now. It's a question I'm asking myself. Why am I back here, of all places? The answer is that I'm being a cheeky little gremlin, an agent of chaos getting revenge in what, to borrow a turn of phrase from El Sandifer, is a text-based magical ritual to destroy nostalgic pandering. Ah. There's that old Nintendo Project-styled esoteric gonzo waffling. Enough of that for a second. Let me set the scene and explain what the hell I'm doing here.
From February to April 2019 I ran a project on this blog called To Boldly Step Forward, in which I watched the show Enterprise for the first time and offered bite-sized thoughts on every single episode. All the words are right there in the hyperlink if you wish to delve into my deeper thoughts, but I will for once show brevity and give a quick summary of the long road I had, getting from there to here(Sorry not sorry.). Star Trek: The Next Generation was an important part of my interior landscape, a show that moved and changed and inspired me. Enterprise turned out to not be that show for me, but it was so tantalizingly close to being it that it still frustrates me. The short version of the path that To Boldly Step Forward led me down was a show with wildly fluctuating ups and downs; the downs were hella down, but the ups tingled with possibility and intrigue. Through its first two seasons Enterprise's most resonant moments involved its "Temporal Cold War" arc, in which people from the future mucked around in the past. I took it as a metaphor for Star Trek's utopian future seeking enlightnment and inspiration from its flawed but good-hearted past.
Then Season 3 happened. Enterprise, airing at the turn of the 21st century, was immediately shaken by the events of 9/11 and the War on Terror. It took time for the writers to respond to this, but Season 3 was an entire season-long story arc about a mass attack on Earth from a hostile alien force, and the Enterprise crew boldly going to all-out war against them. The season still has some fondly-remembered ups, but its downs are both extremely of the time and almost juvenile in how they handle a Big Dumb War Arc. Lots of grim for the sake of it committing war crimes and feeling really bad about it later. Season 3's ending also saw the burnout of writer/producer Brannon Braga, who had been writing Star Trek for damn near 15 years at this point and deserved the break. In his stead for what would become Enterprise's final season, writer Manny Coto took his chair and brought in several new writers.
The creative decisions Coto and friends brought to the final season of the show have haunted me rent-free for the last two and a half years. Enterprise quickly gives its Temporal Cold War arc a kick in the ass out the door and becomes the "Star Trek prequel" Coto and his pals expect it to be. You have to understand one thing about me. Nostalgic pandering for the sake of it is one of my biggest pet peeves. I cannot even think of the book Ready Player One without a rant building in me about its misunderstanding of the effect and purpose of nerdy interest media. Enterprise Season 4 is much the same. Spurred by their love of classic 60's Star Trek reruns, Coto and friends turn in a season that builds to the story of how Star Trek's Federation came to be, while also ensuring references and callbacks to all manner of old Star Trek and its various foibles and continuity. The limit case for me was the two-part episode "In A Mirror, Darkly" in which an entire 90 minutes is spent in Star Trek's grim fascist alternate Mirror Universe, mashing up all manner of 60's Star Trek episodes together and even going so far as to build an entire damn 60's Star Trek bridge set. They aren't even making Enterprise anymore; they're LARPing out 60's Star Trek fanfic. AND A THOLIAN SHOWS UP, A-AND THEN ARCHER FIGHTS A GORN 'CAUSE WE GOTTA PUT A GORN IN! Self-indulgent fanwank bullshit. If it wasn't three episodes from the end of the series, I would have seriously considering dropping it.
That was it for two and a half years. A turbulent show I was kind of vibing with had the resonance I was building taken away from me by nostalgia bait pining for old Star Trek reruns. I had to live with that lament, write my piece, and shuffle onward. I found my darling Symphogear, and the rest is history... up until a few weeks ago. A friend and colleague asked me for advice on what Enterprise episodes from the earlier seasons were worth viewing or skipping. They, like myself, were also not fond of the final Coto season and had none of it in consideration. So it was, in discussion, that I went and made a little joke:
Then that stuck in my head for a month. Why not? Why not supplant the final season of Enterprise, full of nostalgic callbacks, with the very stories the episodes themselves were made in reverence to? So it was that this cheeky gremlin idea, this little ball of petty spite born of being fucked over by a show I kinda liked a few years ago, ballooned. I cannot meaningfully erase the final season of Enterprise from this world, but I can do the next best thing. I can get my final revenge and catharsis. Coto, his cowriters, and the nostalgic fans of 60's Star Trek all love it so damn much that they destroy what Enterprise was for the sake of nostalgic invocation? Two can play at that game. I'll destroy Enterprise Season 4 and replace it with the precious reruns they swear allegiance to. They'd rather remake old Star Trek episodes than make new Enterprise in vein with what had come before? Fine. I'd rather watch old Star Trek episodes than their pedantic continuity-obsessed tribute band. This is my resolve. My result. My revenge. This... is my Trek In Episodic Substitution.
A few ground rules/thesis statements first. My goal with the list has been to pinpoint what each notable Enterprise Season 4 episode(s) is trying to invoke. That could be a specific Star Trek species, a character, a plot point, setting, theme, or mood. I have then replaced the episode(s) in question with something that has come before that ticks the same checkbox. Not every episode of Enterprise Season 4 is represented here, as I've skipped two unremarkable ones in "Home" and "Daedalus". In some cases, what Enterprise Season 4 is trying to replicate and reference is obvious. In others, I have had to stretch just a bit. Regardless, the main goal is simple: replace each Enterprise Season 4 episode with something I personally would rather watch than it. I don't know if anyone will follow along with this list, but if you do I'd love to hear how it went! I think I have captured the tone of what Coto's year was, while also improving the quality here and there. With that in mind... let the substitution begin.
(Storm Front resolves the cliffhanger of Enterprise's third season and is a time travel adventure into World War II where the Enterprise crew battles EVIL ALIEN NAZIS in the final Temporal Cold War story. City On The Edge Of Forever also has a time travel plot with invocations of World War II on the horizon, and is regarded by many as one of the Original Series' high-water marks. It's not without its problems, mind, but it is a fitting thematic replacement.)
(This three-part serial focuses on genetically engineered supermen from Star Trek history's Eugenics Wars, an event spearheaded by iconic Trek villain Khan. Though it has Brent Spiner in fine form, it's an eye-roller of a serial. If you absolutely must delve into the tangled legacy of Khan, one begrudgingly has to suggest this movie. The film has been built up by Star Trek fans as the best in the series, and while (HOT TAKE) I do not agree, it's far better then this story arc. It also amuses me because you can find Coto himself on the audio commentary for the film, so in a way he'd tacitly approve of this substitute.)
(This three-parter delves into Vulcan history and lore, following up on certain acrimonious plot lines involving the Vulcans over Enterprise's prior run. It also features the younger version of a Vulcan character named T'Pau, who made an appearance in this classic Star Trek story which also dealt with Vulcan lore, as well as showcased the close friendship that Captain Kirk and Spock shared. Replacing three episodes with one may seem a bit off, but this whole list is out of whack so like... I don't know. Amok Time is a good Star Trek episode, though.)
(Observer Effect is a cute little story that flips Star Trek's infamous Prime Directive on its head, with a bunch of aliens watching a crisis unfold on the Enterprise and simultaneously lamenting the crisis while refusing to interfere due to their code of ethics, before saying "the hell with it" and solving the crisis in the last 5 minutes. The aliens involved, the Organians, are drawn from this Original Series episode in which Kirk appeals to them to intervene against Klingon involvement. An easy replacement, though it has to be said that this story has 60's Klingon makeup which is... not great, but also is part of the reason for the most infamous story replaced on this list. You'll see in a moment.)
(Babel One and United form two parts of a trilogy involving mounting tensions between two warring alien races, the Andorians and the Tellurites. Its third part wraps up a plot point from the previous two about mysterious forces working to keep both parties at each other's throats, and is not included here. The story is a clear prequel/first step to the founding of the Federation. Journey To Babel also features tensions involving both the Andorians and Tellurites, a conspiracy aboard the Enterprise, and Spock's parents. It's a solid Original Series episode, and no doubt one in mind when crafting Babel One and United.)
(Here is perhaps the most infamous case of Enterprise Season 4's fannish complex on full display. Affliction and Divergence are 90 minutes of television crafted to, I shit you not, explain why Klingons in Star Trek have forehead ridges starting with the movies but none in 60's Star Trek. 90 minutes and more money than I'll make in my lifetime were spent answering a question nobody asked. It's almost beyond parody. The Trouble With Tribbles features 60's Klingons and happens to be one of the single funniest Original Series episodes. It is infinitely more watchable than 90 minutes of fanwank. Trials and Tribble-ations is a Deep Space Nine story in which the crew of that show go back in time, hiding in the margins of the actual events of "The Trouble With Tribbles" Back To The Future 2-style, in order to stop someone from killing Captain Kirk in the past. It also addresses the same continuity issue of Klingon foreheads, but as a lampshaded joke. I have placed an asterisk besides it because it comes dangerously close to being as fannishly reverent to the Original Series as Enterprise Season 4, which would miss the point of the replacement. In the end, numerous factors make it merely dubious; it was a story aired during the 30th anniversary so it can be seen as a little celebratory treat rather than gross indulgence. Your mileage may vary, so tread carefully.)
(Bound is an almost cringeworthy story about green alien women called the Orions seducing every man on the Enterprise crew as part of a takeover plot. It is the apotheosis of Enterprise's odd "horny on main" approach to sex on the show, an embarrassing display seemingly put in because "ha ha ha Captain Kirk boned a different alien woman every week remember that guys?". Replacing it in mood is difficult, but The Pirates Of Orion is an episode from the 70's animated series which is a simple little romp. There are Orion pirates who steal a medical shipment containing a drug which Spock needs to cure a life-threatening illness, and Captain Kirk has to face them to get it back. Nothing as complex or thematic as other Star Trek episodes, but infinitely more watchable than the unfortunate "Bound".)
(There's a lot to unpack here. As mentioned in the opener, In A Mirror, Darkly is set entirely in Star Trek's Mirror Universe, crams about as much fanservice and crossover as is possible within those 90 minutes, and is my personal breaking point for Manny Coto's Enterprise. As such, I've slammed three of its major influences together. Mirror, Mirror is the first Mirror Universe story, an iconic tale that's been twisted over the years by lord knows how much other Star Trek media. Even so, in its original form it's powerful and infinitely more watchable than this mess. The same goes for The Tholian Web, the story used as the backbone for In A Mirror, Darkly, as the titular Tholians mess with a Federation starship. Finally, a Gorn is included in In A Mirror, Darkly, for no other reason beyond fanservice. There is more allegory and nuance in the Gorn's appearance in Arena than In A Mirror, Darkly, has in its little finger. Any of these episodes will serve you better than this self-indulgent mess.)
(One version of the finale of Enterprise, this two-parter deals with a xenophobic terrorist group called Terra Prime holding Earth at ransom in order to advance their agenda of "Earth for humans only". The three-part opener to Deep Space Nine's second season deals with similar themes, as a faction of xenophobes on the planet Bajor known as The Circle spread fear and terror before attempting to overthrow the government and drive the Federation out. It's a complex story with a lot of layers, and one well worth your time.)
(To call Enterprise's final episode divisive would be an understatement. It's more a coda to Star Trek in general as it existed from 1987 to 2005, as the series took a break from TV for a bit starting here. I won't get into its nature here, except to say that (HOT TAKE) I actually kind of vibe with it as it's Brannon Braga ending the show he created and resonating with the original message I took from the show, at the beginning. Still, I have to be fair in my replacement job. To spare this story because I like it would be unfair, so the finale to The Next Generation also has themes of resonance with the message that show sends, and is honestly a better episode of television than These Are The Voyages... so, replaced it shall be.)
That, as they say, is that. A magical ritual complete. Season 4 has been replaced. The evil is defeated. I'm glad to have gotten my cheeky gremlin idea out of my head. I would love to hear feedback from someone actually trying to watch the "season" like this, such as it is. It is a jumble of thoughts jumping between multiple Star Trek stories, series and seasons... but in a mad sort of way, I'm living up to what I think Enterprise is at its heart and soul. A show about the future looking to the past for inspiration. Coto's Enterprise looked to the past for validation and reference, and got it all wrong in my opinion. The heart of Star Trek is bettering yourself, and it's better for yourself to look to the original objects rather than the cheap knockoffs designed to remind you of them. My hope is, if you follow the mad roadmap I've laid out, that you don't find yourself adrift. That you find that inspiration, and make something of it in your own internal landscape. It's what Star Trek did for me, and I hope it can do that for you.
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