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Well, that rat bastard Jack Robertson is back. At the very least there is a line about his political ambitions faltering because of the giant spider thing. That's a good consequence for his shitlord actions/cost-cutting measures in Arachnids In The UK. They should have come up over two years ago during that episode's finale, but consequence is better late than never. Anyway, hold onto that and also drop your jaw in sheer fucking horror because the plot of the episode is this guy and his tech bro employee reverse-engineering the burnt-out Dalek shell from Resolution to make security drones for the government. And there is a goddamned Dalek on the side of the cops with their riot shields, fucking up rioting protestors with water cannons and tear gas and loud noise. Jesus fucking Christ. There's a weird bit of doubleplay on the go with this episode. Certain things like fucking cop Daleks fucking up rioters play badly after a year with widespread riots and protests in the USA against police brutality, but also most of this episode was supposedly written before all of that happened? So there's horrific resonance to the real world we live in, but also it can't entirely be said to be tone-deaf misreading of current events because it was written before that? Even so, that element of the story doesn't go anywhere.
Speaking of tone deaf oofs that don't resonate well, Doctor Who quoting Harry Potter to herself. MMM NOPE. FUCK NOPE. Judoon jail is wild, though, as they basically have her cellmates as whatever monster costumes they still had in storage. You get a Weeping Angel, an Ood and Sycorax, the P'Ting, and (the one that made me go YO WHAT) a Silent. Wonder how they got here, but either way here's John Barrowman to bust the Doctor out of jail and get her back to her TARDIS and her fam. Except she fucked up the time controls and got there 10 months late. I really like Yaz in this episode, y'all. She's the only one to hold out hope that the Doctor survived whatever rushed climax was happening in The Timeless Children, she's the most pissed at the Doctor's cavalier happy "HI FAM I'M HOME" attitude, and she gets a nice scene with Jack where they talk about being left behind by the Doctor. Wow, fuck. There is some real good Yaz stuff going on here! I'd love to see more of that going forward, but put a really big pin in that.
Some more dumb shit happens like Robertson's tech bro dude having found Dalek DNA and using it to clone a new Dalek blob, and Robertson's incredulous reaction of "WHAT IN THE FUCK DID YOU DO NO BURN IT THAT'S A FUCKING MONSTER.". Of course since this guy put the Dalek in THE MOST EXPENSIVE FIREPROOF ATTACHE CASE IN THE WORLD he has to try and get it out of there and he gets possessed just like that lady in Resolution. Also they're growing more Daleks in Japan. Eep. There's a pretty creepy scene wherein Jack and Yaz infiltrate the Japan Dalek base and the Dalek blobs go all facehugger on 'em. I kinda dig it, though it's pretty base. From there, the Daleks teleport into their empty shells and go apeshit. Oh yeah. Forgot to mention the Theresa May expy who has commissioned them all around Britain for A SAFE AND SECURE EMPIRE. Even before they go apeshit and exterminate everyone they see, a bunch of Dalek security drones are not going to lead to a good and prosperous "safe" England.
There's a lot of previous Dalek stories getting stewed up in here, mostly because the newer ones were stewing up the older ones to begin with. Daleks secretly making themselves new and improved shells to exterminate people with while allying themselves with humanity is very Victory/Power Of The Daleks. Later, the Doctor will tattle on the new Daleks to original pure ones and lead them to Earth to have the alien ones wipe out the "impure" ones. Daleks In Manhattan by way of Remembrance Of The Daleks. Anyway, lots of exterminations, lots of Daleks blowing each other up, and then that bastard Robertson tries to ally himself with the Daleks and sell the Doctor out. It doesn't go very far, but the Doctor has a clever plan and has Jack and friends blow up the Dalek mothership while she lures the other Daleks into that spare TARDIS from the end of the last episode with some clever trickery, and she collapses it with them all inside.
Okay, we have to talk about that. In the past, I have been annoyed with how little the 13th Doctor has actually no joke on her own defeated the antagonists of the episodes. Most of the time, there's either no grand defeat or some guest character will be the one to save the day. So, it was briefly refreshing to see the Doctor herself deal with her archenemies and bash the pepper-potted fash without compunction and take them all out. By collapsing a second TARDIS in on itself. Hey uhh. TARDISES ARE FUCKING SENTIENT, YEAH? Like, The Doctor's Wife is one of my favorite episodes. Doctor Who just MURDERED A TARDIS to kill a bunch of Daleks. Uhhhhh. There's also the niggling issue of sending a second fleet of Daleks to Earth. If the pure alien Daleks killed anyone, your big desperate plan got innocent people killed. Uhhhh.
Perhaps the biggest "bruh" moment though is Robertson again. He gets pulled off of the Dalek mothership, the Doctor gives him a little glare... AND HE GETS OFF SCOTT FREE AGAIN! The media is lauding him as a hero and he's teasing a bid for president again! GOD DAMN IT! After such a wild ride of an episode with only some rough bits (some of which I only noticed in hindsight even), you play into the same goddamned flaw I had with Arachnids and let this fucker get away again? It's even worse this time, at least he was a negligent businessman who was mean to a dying giant spider last time. This time he was ready to sell out planet Earth. 13 should have treated him like that fucker Adam and yeeted him out the door before exposing his bullshit. For absolute fuck's sakes.
This leads into the departure of Ryan and Graham from the series. I liked them. I'll kinda miss them. Ryan had a really nice moment with 13 in this episode where they talked about the revelations of last episode, and Ryan was there to help motivate her and get her to chin up. He was being real Doctorish there, and he has a desire to stay behind and look after Earth in light of his emotional arc in episodes like Orphan 55 and Can You Hear Me?. Graham sticks behind too to be with his remaining family, and the pair have some psychic paper so they can be sorta Doctorish too back on Earth. Making things better, learning how to ride a bike, and having become better people for travelling with the Doctor. Well, that just leaves the Doctor and Yaz together, a nice duo which will lead to some more of that character development that Yaz got this episode! Right? Right?
OH. BREAKING NEWS, EVERYONE! A NEW COMPANION FOR SERIES 13! WHICH WILL ALSO START SOMETIME THIS YEAR! Let us unpack this before we get into final thoughts, starting with the air date. This feels way too early to be airing a new season of sci-fi adventure, even if the episode order was truncated to 8. No, really. I expected January 2022 at the absolute minimum and felt even that was being shockingly optimistic. Summer or even fall 2022, when things were safer, would have felt more appropriate. Isn't like half of England under Tier 4 lockdown at the moment due to the pandemic running riot? For the love of God. If everything is extra-safe and people manage to avoid getting sick, then so be it. Even so, I would gladly trade extra months of waiting for the guarantee that some poor lighting guy on the TARDIS set wasn't at high risk of catching COVID.
Which brings us to the new guy, an actor named John Bishop who will play a character named Dan in Series 13. Look. He'll probably be good. It's very hard not to be cynical, though. I knew, going into this, that Ryan and Graham were leaving. I did not know about John Bishop. (Sort of, but we'll get to that on the podcast I co-host...) I was fully expecting a Doctor/Yaz duo and excited because hey, Yaz might have some character development now! Unless a certain writer panicked and invented a new old white guy to replace the outgoing Bradley Walsh. Maybe that won't happen, and maybe Yaz will get some stronger beats since we still are down a companion. An old white guy isn't inherently bad, as Bradley Walsh was a very good old white guy companion. Immediately slamming in a replacement old white guy, though? Something smells and I don't think it's a fart, but we'll worry about that sometime in 2021.
That does it for Revolution Of The Daleks. It wasn't even really a revolution, when you think about it; more an attempted coup. Chibnall just wanted his R____ Of The Daleks title, and while I can't think of one off the top of my head to fit this it's his job to do so. It's a fine episode of television, like a 6 or 6.5 if we were doing the number thing. I enjoyed myself watching it. Certain things, like Robertson getting away with it or the killing a TARDIS thing, don't sit well with me... but you know what, that's fine. I can critique and still like the episode. I liked the episode. Now we get to put Doctor Who to bed again for a while until a batch of new episodes comes out. Let's do that. Okay, Doctor, back in the blue box, it's time to become A MAGICAL GIRL BLOG AGAIN!!!
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