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| And that's the bottom line, cause King Kong said so. |
Well, we've got a pharmaceutical company that's obsessed with ratings for a science show it's co-funding and sends some dolts out to a tropical island in the South Pacific to find monsters. What in the hell's going on here? I asked some folks and peeked at some things, and this is all intended as a big satire of sensationalist over the top TV from 60's Japan. Thus we get a medicinal company funding a goddamned expedition to find monsters to use as a company mascot to boost sales in some elaborate scheme that makes very little sense. It's the dumbest plot imaginable, but it's a reflection of what this movie's creators think of ratings-obsessed executives. Anyway, on this tropical island with a whole bunch of unfortunate tribal native stereotypes, just going on and on and on and making me groan uncomfortably because good christ. Where was I? Oh yeah, King Kong's here. And these pharma guys drag him back on a raft. All the while, Godzilla's burst out of an iceberg somewhere, presumably having been trapped in it in the last movie. Kong breaks out of his raft, Godzilla makes it to the coast, there's some slow burn of Godzilla advancing with mild stomping about and terrified Japanese citizens. Really, the destruction factor's a little low for most of this movie. It's just a stroll for Godzilla.
The pair meet 1 hour in, but this has been built up. Not even by the title, but by the characters in the movie itself. This is all a big publicity stunt, after all, and it feels almost meta with people betting on who will kick whose ass in the ultimate giant monster battle for... ratings or whatever they're going for. The first encounter's a complete anticlimax; King Kong's best move is throwing rocks at Godzilla, but Godzilla has an actual ranged attack in atomic breath and King Kong fucks off after getting burnt by it. What follows is an odd riff on the original King Kong film, wherein King Kong nabs one of the supporting female characters off a train and carries her around like he did to the leading lady of the original film. The human characters rescue her by way of imitating the tribal ritual from Kong's home island (eugh) and then they prep Kong for the final battle with Godzilla. They do this by, no joke, tying a bunch of giant balloons to him and flying him up to where Godzilla is. Then they drop him and he tumbles down the mountain, slamming into Godzilla and making him fall too. Holy shit.
The final battle we've been building to all movie is just... the goofiest shit. I was cackling like a banshee at this. it less resembles a monster battle than it does a wrestling match where the wrestlers just so happen to be giant monsters. You got tail grabs, punches, kicks, and some gonzo stuff where King Kong gets powered by electricity thanks to some power cables he siphoned earlier, granting him ELECTRIC PUNCHES. The money shot of destruction in the movie is, I guess, the scene where the pair fight between a Japanese castle and absolutely fuck it up. This is in no way meant to be taken seriously. The entire thing, from the TV ratings mockery to this goofy dumb fight, is taking the piss. Joyously. And I kind of like it for that. The pair just sort of fall into the ocean and that's it. King Kong swims off back home, Godzilla's presumed dead, and that's the movie. It's a strange experience, one I can't glowingly recommend because of the tribal bits. They're just so stock and stereotypical that I go yikes. The kaiju fighting, if you peek at it in isolation, is dumb fun. Overall I'd say this is a fun way to kick off our kaiju versus mini-marathon. Will they all be this gloriously stupid?
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